In Glamour (great cheap monthly fashion-y beauty-y advice-y magazine), they have a column called ‘Hey it’s okay…’ which is essentially a list of things that everyone does but that everyone thinks no-one else does. Kind of. I’m going to do my own version so you’ll get the picture.*

*Whenever people say this I generally leave having not got the picture at all. Even perhaps questioning the existence of the picture in the first place, and whether it’s actually just another weird confusing stem of the multiverse theory that’s beyond our cosmological horizon.

Hey it’s okay…

1. If you put two versions of a song in your Spotify playlist. One the Ke$ha cover (the only one you listen to) and one the ‘Original Remastered 1746’ version (the one you skip), just so you can pacify the music-taste judger in the back of your mind.

2. If you pretty much never wash your jeans because:
a) they’re the only pair you’ve got so you really can’t afford to lose them for a day or two.
b) they take absolutely freaking ages to dry.
c) you’re worried the button you sewed on with yellow craft wool might fall off.
d) baby wipes do the trick well enough

3. To put sweet chilli sauce* on everything, even mashed potatoes.

*Yes, the bright orange, MSG goo.

4. If you take ibuprofen without having eaten anything so, when you remember an hour later, you frantically eat the half a squashed biscuit that’s been in your bag for a month or so and pray you won’t die.

5. To pull the tag that attaches the label to your clothes off with your hands, rather than finding some scissors, even though you know your mum would disapprove.

6. If you think most branded clothes are a waste of money* so buy a complete copy from Primark.

*And an example of humans placing worth in worthless things.

7. If you lick your phone to clean it. Yes, you know it’s disgustingly unhygienic and just plain wrong but you’re about to beat your best time on Solitaire so need to clean it without breaking the rhythmic flow of card shuffling.

8.  To not know what the person speaking to you is on about so Google stuff as they say it.

9. To know all the words to every single song in your favourite album, and to sing them to yourself in order when you’re walking somewhere without headphones. Even the little improvised ‘woah’s and ‘yeah’s.

10. If you can’t quite justify buying a 5p bag in Sainsbury’s but you’re not carefree enough to hold the two jumbo packs of sanitary towels in your hands so you walk home with them under your fleece, looking like you’ve either shoplifted a small dog or a large bag of flour.